Am I Really Ready?

Had a dear friend ask me today if I'm ready? I had to ponder that before I answered. As of late, I haven't felt ready. Trying to make sure everything is in order with my business, my family and myself is exhausting. Then I wonder, am I trying to do too much, maybe I should let everyone figure some things out for themselves, maybe it will empower them. But if I don't get my washer fixed soon, how am I going to wash my clothes for the trip? Much less the two loads of little boy laundry, towels from the lake trip, company and swimming. Then I talked to a woman from Vietnam today who was telling me about her life there. How someday she wanted to go back with her son to show him where she came from but that it was hard because of her memories of being very poor. She even began to shed a tear as she talked. Then I read a story from Teresa about a home visit in Malawi that has just really affected her and I thought, hard is living there day in and day out. Hard is death having a smell and you recognizing it. Hard is seeing 5 children age 12-1 with no father and a mother who is 50 lbs. and daying of AIDS. Hard is poverty beyong what we will ever experience. So am I really ready for this trip, you bet I am. God, you have it all mapped out, here I come...

God's Shadow

As I was praying today about who I want to be in Christ on this journey, I felt like I want to be God's shadow. I want to be a half step behind God so He can be the lead. He walks, I follow. I want Him to lead every step, every word, every gesture, every prayer, every single tiny thing I do there. I want to be small and Him big, I want to be a phantom for God. Where I disappear and all they see is Him. A stealth warrior for God, that's my new term! You get the picture, He says go and I go. My fears are smaller than my faith. My strength is greater than my weakness. My love of God and all the things He cares about far outweigh my uncertainty over my abilities. Sometimes I feel like I'm jumping off a cliff, yet I'm not afraid. Am I crazy? I'm crazy in love with God and the things of God's heart. As I run toward the next cliff, I am excited to see who or what waits below...

Where are you taking me on this adventure God?

I got to meet one of my team members for the first time, Linda. A very nice woman whom I can see that ministry with her in Africa will be deep and fun. I love that! Also learned how to use Skype and got to meet Charlene (our other team member) via the internet, even got to pray together as a team over Skype. Now that's technology used for the purposes of God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As I spend more time with Debbie, I just feel such a kinship with her, like a sister who you can giggle about things with that only you two understand. And like a sister, a deep love and respect that is indescribeable to most. Mostly, I am grateful to God for bringing me a friend who has the same heart as me and the desire to see God's heart fulfilled on earth. God always brings the coolest people into my life, I love it.
So with all these new people in my life going on this adventure with me, I am excited to see where He will be taking us. I know it will be hard, but I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me.

Got Faith?

Got passport? Check
Got money? Check
Got shots? Check
Got airline tickets? Check
Got Faith? Double check!
Taking one mission trip satisfies the appetite of just the adventurous soul, the person who just wants to see what's going on, maybe take a safari while there. But going back, asking God what He wants to do this time, excites me. I went last time not sure of what to expect but knowing I was being led by God to go. I fasted lunch every day while I was there, not being able to eat while others had none, feeling that empty feeling inside for such a short time, while they felt it all the time. One day while praying with Bita Adair over the women, I was so overwhelmed by their pain I was feeling, I stepped outside and began to weep. I cried out to God, "I can't do this, it's too hard." He gently reminded me, "It's not about you my child, they need Me and you are My instrument". My tears promptly stopped at the gentle urging of my Father, I walked back in the thatched roof hut with the dirt floot and continued to pray over women whom had never been prayed over in their entire lives. We watched healing that day, grandmothers coming to know Christ, evil leaving the bodies of women as Christ came in, God gained ground that day and it was good. Africa is not for the faint of heart, there is alot of pain and suffering. But never will you see the light of God shine from someone's eyes the way it does there. A child who has no parents, no food, no shelter but sings at the top of their lungs of Jesus. Jesus is hope. The people of Africa "Got Real Faith!"

It's sinking in....

I've started to tell people I'm going, which is always interesting to see how they respond. Some look genuinely happy for me, some have that plastered smile like "better you than me" look, others look worried like I'm going to die going there- oh ye of such little faith :) Besides, if it's my time, it's my time-that's my feeling. All these responses do nothing but strengthen my resolve at what God wants me to do in Africa. If I walked around doing what people told me to do or thought I should do-I wouldn't be me, now would I? I'm excited that I know what to expect and how to pack, yea! I'm excited I get to go with someone I respect and have a growing friendship with. I'm grateful for a husband who understands that to love me is to allow me to follow my heart with God. I'm grateful for family and friends who support and surround my family while I'm gone. And I'm especially grateful for an almighty God who continues to provide the funds for this trip without taking anything away from my family. Thank you Lord, let's do this!

I get to go again, woo hoo!

Ever since I went to Malawi in October 2007, I have wanted to return. Not to vacation or for any other reason you might normally think. I experienced God in a way I never had before. I saw Him in the eyes of the children with no parents, food or clothing. The love for God radiates from these children, they have nothing yet they have Him. So who really has more? Many westerners go there on the pretext of helping yet they treat it like a vacation. Some go once and never come back. I want to go back and dance with the village women, sing with the children and pray with the people. I really feel God there beckoning us to join Him, to come alongside His people and help them help themselves. They don't need us to tell them how to do things, they just need God and for us to walk alongside them, to support them. God wants them to experience real christianity through our love, not just our money. So as He beckons me back, I run into His arms, saying yes to what lies ahead, knowing I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And in the process knowing I will never be the same and I am grateful for that fact!